The Choices of Susan Pevensie
by Lorelei Rhiannon
Summary: movieverse two-shot ; What was really behind the knowing smile that Susan gave Caspian at the end of the movie.. and why were the subsequent kings not named Caspian after their father? This is what I think the reasons are.
1. Chapter 1

**_(movie-verse ; What was really behind the knowing smile that Susan gave Caspian at the end of the movie.. and why were the subsequent kings not named Caspian after their father?? This is what I think the reasons are. _**

**_(Part one is told from Susan's perspective and is in the first person.)_**

**_(I hope you like it.. this is my first foray into the realm of Narnia fiction)_**

Peter, Edmund Lucy and I returned to the train station where we'd been standing. Narnia was gone and there was nothing left but us and our things, ready to board for school.

Lucy looked around as if to ask where it had all gone. Ed seemed in a dull depression and Peter, well, he was the same as before. a King with no country. He looked lost. Me, I felt odd to say the least. There was no way I could tell my brothers and sister what I'd done. There would be no forgiving of it. But I'd done it as Queen Susan, not plain old Susan Pevensie. There was no going back. My only hope was that it didn't lead to anything that would be difficult to explain to my parents.

The boy I'd spoken to earlier, before Narnia, beckoned me onto the train. I smiled as I picked up my bags and stepped aboard. He'd be the perfect explaination if things went... awry for me. So I chatted him up.

The train ride was uneventful. The boy, whose name was Ashley would have been a very nice boy if he hadn't been so... odd. He wasn't like the young men I thought myself attracted to, but it was all for the greater good, should the subject arise later. And... it did.

I sat on my bed, feeling ill. School had been in session for just over three weeks and I'd not gotten my... visitor. My room mates all said I should go see the nurse or better yet a real doctor. I bit my lip and said nothing.

The next day I told Ashley about my predicament. He was shocked but I assured him that It hadn't been my intention to end up this way.. The heat of battle was something of a mystery, it lead to feeling that one didn't normally have toward another individual. Luckily he didn't ask about my using the word battle, for which I was grateful. He did, however ask me the name of the "individual" that had gotten me into my current mess. I lied to him and told him I didn't know his real name, he told me it was Benjamin, but I didn't believe him. Ashley told me something then that shocked me.

"I'll tell everyone it's mine." He said. "I'll tell them it's mine and you'll go stay at my house when the time comes and afterward we'll live together and raise the baby as if it were mine all along. Susan, you're a great friend and I care about you. I'd never see you be thrown out of school for something as trivial as a one night fling."

I started to cry. I imagine he thought it was because of the tender words he'd just said, but in truth I was weeping for the real father. A King who would never know his oldest child. I wept for Caspian.

Another week went by and Mother and Father came to the school to get me. Assembled in front of my family I again lied and told them that Ashley was the father of my as yet unborn child. Mother cried and father was stern and quiet, which meant he was angry. Ashley's parents arrived the next afternoon to give him a tough scolding but he remained in school. I, however was taken straight home and arrangements were made for the baby's adoption. I was aghast.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I'll have no stranger raise my child. This is MY baby, not yours!" I must have sounded terrible because I heard my mother crying some time later from her room.

Christmas break arrived and with it brought Peter, Edmund and Lucy. All of them knew, or had done the math and figured it out. Peter came into my room where I lay with my head on a pillow reading a book. His one word sent me into tears. "Caspian's." I nodded and turned over onto my side. My rounded belly revealing what one night's indiscretion had done. Peter must have seen this as confirmation because when I turned back around he was gone. Of all my siblings it was Edmund who spoke to me most over the holiday. He and I would sit and talk for hours until Mum and dad told us to go to bed. I had decided that night that I really was going to keep this baby. Whether or not Ashley would help me like he said or not, I was going to do this. I was determined.

I woke up on Christmas morning to a knock on my bedroom door. "Go away Lucy, it's too early." I groaned as I rolled onto my back from sleeping.

"It isn't Lucy and It's nearly noon." came Ashley's voice from the other side. I sat bolt upright in my bed. How on earth did he get past my folks?! I flung the door open and there he was. Ashley stood before me, smiling. "We still on?" he asked me in a whisper. I nodded, thankful that he was there. He took my hand and led me downstairs where his family was sitting with mine chatting. It was an odd sight. Two families who knew nothing about each other were chatting as if they'd known one another for years. Honestly I couldn't see then how grownups did it. Of course I understand now.

It had been decided, unbeknownst to me, that after term ended, Ashley and I would get married. Our mother's admitted that we were both a bit young but this child needed married parents. I felt bad for Ashely as I thought of the possibility of some poor girl out there whom he was meant for and she being left alone in the world because of my stupid mistake. Susan the Gentle indeed.

Holiday break was over and I tearfully said goodbye to my brothers and sister as they headed off back to school. I was told by my mother that as punishment for my misdeed, I would be going to a public school the next year after the baby was born. Ashely and I would live near Finchley and we'd be left on our own. I guess it was mum's way of teaching me a lesson, forcing me to be on my own. If only she knew how alone I really was.

The months became warmer and my middle became much larger. I had already decided that if it were a boy I'd call him Caspian. Were it a girl I thought about the name Beverly.. it means 'Beaver field" which I thought was appropriate concerning where the child is from and all. Of course I told nothing of this to Ashley. He thinks I made up Caspian and Beverly just "sounded pretty" to me. Naturally, Peter, Edmund and Lucy all know the real reason, but they're not telling anyone around here.

I sigh as I look out the window of my new home. A small flat in Finchley just outside of town. Far enough from home that I feel like I'm actually on my own but close enough that Mum can coem help me in the dead of night should I need her. Ashley is coming home soon, term is ending in three or so weeks. I feel badly for him, having to raise a child not his own. But he insists that it doesn't bother him.

Oh, it was terrible. The pain and the way the room seemed to swirl about me. The way I felt like things were out of control... and then I held him. Caspian Peter Johns... Ashely's last name by the way. My family came by to see me and the baby and to shake hands with Ashley. Poor fellow, I think I may have squeezed his hand a bit too tightly during the process, but it doesn't look too serious. I guess this was what Aslan mean when he told me things would change for me and I'd never be able to come back.. I was a mum now and as such I could never go back to Narnia... Narnia was my childhood and that time of my life was passed. I was a grownup.


	2. Chapter 2

**_(part two is in the third person, told from the perspective of a narrator rather than Caspian.)_**

**_(Read and review, please!)_**

King Caspian paced the halls of his castle. Susan had been gone less than a month and he felt like his world had fallen apart. He went to Aslan for advise. The Lion had yet to leave the castle and though he would do so after Caspian's coronation, he was sad to see the friendly beast go.

"Aslan, might I have a word?" he asked.

"Yes, Caspian, Son of Adam. What is on your mind."

With one word he summed up his entire predicament. "Susan."

The Lion nodded. "You miss her. That is understandable. She misses you as well."

Caspian gaped. "You can see her? Is she well? Are the other Kings and Queen well?"

"Susan is well, my King. She is healthy and well cared for. She is going to become a mother soon."

His heart sank. She's found someone else already. Had their one night together meant nothing? The Lion laughed. "Why do you laugh?" Caspian asked.

"Because, Caspian. I see your mind and I know your heart. Fear not, the love you shared with Susan will always be with her... You see, the child she carried is yours."

Caspian collapsed onto the stone. His eyes welled with tears. Their love rendered him the greatest gift a man could ever ask for and yet the sadness of knowing he could never see this child plagued him like a disease. It would never leave him until the day he died.

Aslan stood and walked over to a sparkling birdbath. "This will be your portal into her world. Use it sparingly. If others knew what went on in the world of the Kings and Queens they'd be disillusioned and rebel, wishing to go there. Do you understand?"

Caspian nodded. "Yes, I think so." He leaned in over the water and was amazed at what he saw. Susan was lying on a bed. Her face was covered with tears, making her hair stick to her lovely pale face. There was a knock and King Peter emerged into the scene. Susan turned, revealing her swollen abdomen. Caspian stifled a cry. He could hear them as well.

"Caspian." Peter said, which caused Susan to flow into a new river of tears.

Not able to bear anymore, Caspian turned away. "I want her back." he said angrily. His hands clutched at the corners of the birdbath.

"Be steady, Caspian." The Lion said. She will name the child Caspian, after his father. You may see her once, before you die. Choose wisely the time and place and I'll send you there."

Caspian thought. "I'd like to hold my son, if you please, and claim him as my own."

"That, I'm afraid you cannot do. To claim the boy will upset the delicate thread of Susan's life. She is building a new life for herself and you must let her do this. See there, the young man that will raise your son. He is a good man and will treat Susan well."

Caspian looked down and saw Ashley standing in the doorway of Susan's room. He watched as she raced toward him and threw her arms around his neck. "Does she love him?" he asked.

"Not in the way that she loves you. Nor will she ever love the two of you the same.. She will learn to love him in a way she has yet to think possible but that is still a long way off for her." Aslan sighed and started to walk away from the basin.

"I have decided then." Caspian started. "That I should like to see Susan once more before she stops looking as I remember her. I'd like to hold my son and see his smile. I wish to tell Susan how proud of her I am."

The Lion lowered his head. "Very well, King Caspian. As you request it. It shall be done. when the the comes, You will see Queen Susan again."

Caspian was left in the small garden near a birdbath basin to think. He made the decision then and there that his son in this world, should he be blessed to have one, would not be called Caspian. He thought hard and decided on the name Rillian. It was a fit and proper name for any Prince. He sighed. "Naming children before they're born. nonsense, if you ask me." he muttered aloud to himself.

Days, weeks went by. The Coronation had been done and the Lion was gone from him. Caspian went about making plans to make a great journey to the end of the world, to Aslan's country to see if he would get to see Susan again ever... It was on one night of planning this trip that the world around him seemed to fade away. He stood up, in disbelief of what was happening. the walls of his room turned a bright white and the torches were replaced with these queer lamp-like things that were stuck on the ceiling. There, before his eyes, the figure of a sleeping Susan appeared. Blurry at first then coming into focus. He stepped toward her, unsure if she was a dream. It was then that the cooing of the baby in the bassinet next to her bed roused her from her sleep. "I'm coming." she whispered, rolling over to the baby and picking him up, barely opening her eyes in the process.

Not wishing to startle her and cause her to drop the infant he waited until he was secure in her arms before he spoke. "Susan?" he asked in a soft tone. Her eyes blinked open and stared at Caspian for a second, disbelieving what she was seeing.

"Is this a dream?" she asked "Caspian? Is it really you?"

Unable to control himself he rushed the bed and covered her tear strewn face with kisses. "I wish I could stay.. or bring you back with me, but Aslan says it musn't be so. I have only come to see my son." And with those words he turned back the blanket on the baby and gazed wide eyed at the babe with the full head of black hair, set in small tight curls. "He looks like me. Doesn't he?" he asked as he touched the child.

"I see it more and more. He'll be tall and handsome, like his father." Susan said though her tears. "Oh, I do wish I'd stayed. I wish it every day." She calmed herself and sniffed back a new set of tears. "But if Aslan says it must be this way then I guess he knows what he's doing." She smiled weakly. "Would you like to hold him?"

Caspian gasped as she handed him the bundle. Holding his son for the first time made every part of Caspian's insides hurt. He wanted to spirit her away back to Narnia with him and keep her safe and secret. But he new it wouldn't work. The Lion's magic never worked the way one wanted it to, only how the Lion himself wanted it to work. Smiling he said "My ancestors came from this land, and so my son must be raised here. He must learn all about them and all about Narnia as well, even if it is in the form of stories that lull him to sleep." He spoke tyo the boy now. "I know your name, Caspian. Caspian the eleventh. Even though you are the rightful King of Narnia, I know you will never wear the crown. Be still though my son, for you are always in my heart as is your mother. A blessing upon you, in the name of the Lion." and he leaned down and kissed the baby on the forehead. There was a short respite, where he and Susan looked at one another in silence. It was broken however by a sound coming from the bundle. The baby was smiling and in his smile was a tiny laugh.

"His first laugh." Susan gushed. "He heard you, Caspian. He knows."

Caspian nodded and handed the babe back to his mother. "You make sure this lad takes care of my son, now. I'll not have hi treated unfairly." Susan smiled and nodded

"Ashely is a good man, He'll be a good father to Caspian."

They held each other for a few moments and as quickly as it had started it ended. Caspian was standing in his room again, without Susan or the baby, who were in his arms at the start of the return.

Susan was left sitting in her bed holding the baby and weeping as she watched Caspian fade from her sight. She would never see him again. Ashley raised little Caspian as if her was his own. Susan never told Ashley about her visit with Caspian, though she did tell her brothers and sister, who all wept with her when she told them.

Susan never again mentioned Narnia to her siblings, though she told stories to Caspian of Great Kings and Queens and fauns and the Great Lion Aslan.

When the day came that they died. Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Mother and Father, Eustace and his friend Jill, Professor Kirke and Miss Plummer all in a train wreck, Susan despaired. She had no one now to recall the land of Narnia. It was a sad time for her and no one was there for her more than Ashley. He comforted her and assured her that they were in a "better place" and Susan knew it. They'd all gone back and left Susan here to die of old age. Even though she was sad, the thought of them back in Narnia made her smile.

Caspian loved the stories his mother would tell him and eventually wrote them down. They came to be known as the Chonicles of Narnia, though he would write them under a Nom de Plume, he wrote them none the less.

Years later, after she'd grown old Susan was again alone. Ashley had gone on before her and although he and she had brought forth three daughters, she never forgot about Caspian the tenth and their bond.

Upon her deathbed, her son came to her and asked her what she wanted most of all. Susan smiled and said "I wish I could have seen him one more time."

"Who, mother?" he asked.

"You father." Susan replied. Her vision was hazy and she knew the end was near.

"You'll see dad soon enough." Caspian said, not understanding what she really meant. "Just rest."

As she rested, the haziness shifted and Susan started to feel young again. This was it. She was dead as well now. She looked back to see her son weeping over her seemingly sleeping body. Looking forward she saw the vast land of Narnia stretched out before her. All her woes and fears melted away from her and she was Queen Susan again. She started to run. As she ran she shouted out "Peter! Edmund! Lucy! I've come! I'm home! Home at last!"

Running up the hill she saw Cair Paravel and the Lone Isles... she saw the Dancing Lawn and Beaversdam, Beruna and the Lantern Waste. She raced further until she came to a familiar looking person.. She squealed as she recognized him. "Mr. Tumnus!" as the faun turned she wrapped her arms around him in a big hug.

And the two of them walked the rest of the way until Susan came upon a person she was most excited to see. She broke into a run and jumped into his waiting arms, much to the bewilderment of poor Rillian who watched. "Caspian!" She said into his ear. "Oh, how I missed you."

Susan was reuntied with her brothers and sister and she looked far off to the Real england to where her mother and father still stood, waving to their children in Narnia. Everything was as it should have been form the beginning. and Susan was finally happy.

**_A/N: I know it was kinda short, perhaps if the reviews are good I might be persuaded to elaborate on it if you like.._**


End file.
